Of Chatrooms and Jedi...
by Lady Arra
Summary: There must be a method to this madness... (PG-13 for some implications)


This is an edited chat I had with my friends on an AIM chat room…it was so funny I had to put it here. It's a spoof on a Star Wars fanfic I'm writing. JediGeneral is Obi-Wan (post-AotC), OutcastMaster is my created character, Arra, a Jedi Outcast who's technically in love with him (and he with her), and GreyApprentice is…her apprentice. And THhotshot…he's still the trigger- happy hotshot computer-pilot jock he is in real life. Enjoy.  
  
GreyApprentice: Can I talk to Obi-Wan for a sec? I know he's there.  
  
OutcastMaster: Why? Are you getting ideas...?  
  
GreyApprentice: I need to tell him something about my master (hint, hint)...  
  
OutcastMaster: Fine.  
  
JediGeneral: What is it you wished to speak with me about?  
  
GreyApprentice: He he! I wanted to tell you to go slower with my master  
  
JediGeneral: Excuse me?  
  
GreyApprentice: than you went with that handmaiden  
  
JediGeneral: I did not!  
  
GreyApprentice: or those handmaidens  
  
JediGeneral: They're all rumors!  
  
GreyApprentice: I'm sure.  
  
JediGeneral: Anakin must have spread them to spite me.  
  
THhotshot: Bad images.  
  
GreyApprentice: And he took holos, too.  
  
JediGeneral: I should have seen he was evil.  
  
GreyApprentice: I've got them right here.  
  
JediGeneral: WHAT!!???  
  
THhotshot: Take images.  
  
THhotshot: Ooooooh…  
  
GreyApprentice: Sorry, I don't have a scanner...  
  
JediGeneral: Hey, you can do anything with a good holo-alterer these days!  
  
JediGeneral: That kid is giving me a bad name!  
  
GreyApprentice: I'm sure, and you gave it to yourself.  
  
GreyApprentice: And I see that those m/m fics are also justified.  
  
JediGeneral: Your overconfidence is your weakness  
  
THhotshot: Your chronic drug addiction is yours.  
  
JediGeneral: Are you accusing me of being a spice addict?  
  
THhotshot: Yes. I am. Glitbiter!  
  
GreyApprentice: He's a bi.  
  
THhotshot: A bi?  
  
GreyApprentice: Or maybe...  
  
THhotshot: Oh, gay.  
  
GreyApprentice: No, bi.  
  
JediGeneral: Stop it! Kids these days.  
  
THhotshot: Bi?  
  
GreyApprentice: He's gotta have Mara.  
  
JediGeneral: I do not!  
  
THhotshot: Mara?  
  
GreyApprentice: Ha.  
  
JediGeneral: Wait...  
  
GreyApprentice: So it's true. Were you not careful?  
  
JediGeneral: Shut up.  
  
GreyApprentice: Or did you just not care?  
  
JediGeneral: I don't do inappropriate things with MY DAUGHTER!  
  
GreyApprentice: was it a one-time thing, or…  
  
JediGeneral: Shut up or I'll go Dark Side on you.  
  
GreyApprentice: And I might tell my master about your little escapades…  
  
OutcastMaster: What have you two been talking about?  
  
JediGeneral: Nasty rumors.  
  
GreyApprentice: Oh, nothing...O:-)  
  
OutcastMaster: Wait…what escapades?  
  
GreyApprentice: Well...  
  
JediGeneral: Your apprentice has a sick mind.  
  
OutcastMaster: I noticed.  
  
GreyApprentice: No, I have proof!  
  
JediGeneral: Proof? They're faked holos!  
  
GreyApprentice: Those holos are not FAKE  
  
OutcastMaster: Sol-Karan... what have I told you? Stop poking around in people's love lives...  
  
JediGeneral: My point exactly.  
  
GreyApprentice: What, Master? O:-)  
  
GreyApprentice: I'm not poking, just transferring data.  
  
OutcastMaster: What data?  
  
JediGeneral: I think I'm going to lose control...  
  
GreyApprentice: Well, it seems Obi-Wan here has been...  
  
JediGeneral: No! I have not!  
  
GreyApprentice: Need I tell, or will you?  
  
JediGeneral: I have no idea what you're talking about!  
  
GreyApprentice: What about those questionable tissues? *ducks*  
  
JediGeneral: Tissues? Why you little...  
  
GreyApprentice: :-D  
  
OutcastMaster: This is priceless.  
  
JediGeneral: Women. Can't understand them.  
  
GreyApprentice: Obi-Wan?  
  
JediGeneral: What?  
  
GreyApprentice: Just be more careful in the future.  
  
JediGeneral: I am not--  
  
GreyApprentice: Or you will see copies of those holos in my master's hands. O:-)  
  
OutcastMaster: Amen. I don't want them.  
  
JediGeneral: But--I never---  
  
GreyApprentice: But you might want to know what he's been up to...  
  
JediGeneral: I haven't!  
  
OutcastMaster: Oh, Force.  
  
GreyApprentice: Really?  
  
JediGeneral: No.  
  
GreyApprentice: I can prove otherwise.  
  
JediGeneral: Absolutely not.  
  
GreyApprentice: Yes.  
  
JediGeneral: She never learns!  
  
OutcastMaster: Believe me, I know.  
  
GreyApprentice: You and her = Mara, after all.  
  
OutcastMaster: What... who's Mara?  
  
GreyApprentice: You don't get out much, do you?  
  
OutcastMaster: Well…  
  
GreyApprentice: Told ya.  
  
OutcastMaster: The only child I had was named Jade.  
  
GreyApprentice: I'm sure...  
  
JediGeneral: Child? What child!? Oh, no...  
  
GreyApprentice: Talk to Obi-Wan. He's got quite a brood...  
  
JediGeneral: I do not!  
  
GreyApprentice: That you know of.  
  
JediGeneral: I...well, I certainly wouldn't tell you! If I...never mind.  
  
GreyApprentice: What?  
  
OutcastMaster: Absolutely priceless.  
  
JediGeneral: Women.  
  
GreyApprentice: Want to find out how to get back at Anakin?  
  
JediGeneral: I would like to...  
  
JediGeneral: I heard some stories about him and a certain former queen...  
  
GreyApprentice: Well, I've got those holos, but it'll cost ya. It'll be worth it, though.  
  
JediGeneral: *sigh* How much?  
  
GreyApprentice: Well, how much do you want them?  
  
JediGeneral: Uh...a lot.  
  
GreyApprentice: Well, they're in my room…  
  
GreyApprentice: ;-) O:-) :-D  
  
JediGeneral: How many holos do you have?  
  
GreyApprentice: quite a few, trust me  
  
JediGeneral: *groans* How much? And don't say...well…  
  
GreyApprentice: I guess you cannot take a not-so subtle hint.  
  
JediGeneral: What not-so subtle hint?  
  
GreyApprentice: Read up aways right before the smileys.  
  
JediGeneral: Oh. No.  
  
GreyApprentice: :-*  
  
JediGeneral: I...uh…  
  
OutcastMaster: Sol...stop trying to steal him from me.  
  
GreyApprentice: what, Master? O:-)  
  
JediGeneral: Force...  
  
GreyApprentice: I'm not stealing anything...  
  
JediGeneral: Help. 2000 credits? Please? Per holo? Just stop...  
  
GreyApprentice: I've got Tycho, and Anakin, and that furry-footed hobbit from that Earth holodrama. Oops, did I say that out loud?  
  
GreyApprentice: :-!yes, per holo  
  
JediGeneral: *whew.  
  
GreyApprentice: Oh, so you really are the player...  
  
JediGeneral: WHAT!!??  
  
GreyApprentice: You gave a pleasurable sigh. I can tell.  
  
JediGeneral: No! I was relieved!  
  
GreyApprentice: Sure. And why would you be?  
  
JediGeneral: Because you didn't…never mind.  
  
GreyApprentice: Yes, I did. See, you can't take a hint unless you were...  
  
JediGeneral: NO! Shavit.  
  
GreyApprentice: Hmm, frisky, this one...  
  
JediGeneral: Someone help me...  
  
GreyApprentice: I'd be glad to...  
  
JediGeneral: No!  
  
GreyApprentice: Of course not. O:-)  
  
JediGeneral: She…she was trying to...  
  
OutcastMaster: Yes?  
  
GreyApprentice: Tell him where the good bars are, Master.  
  
JediGeneral: Uh.... I'll pass on that…  
  
OutcastMaster: Sol, you know you're not supposed to filch my entertainment.  
  
JediGeneral: I am going to live as a hermit from now on. Far away from females of any species…  
  
GreyApprentice: Tell that to your daughter.  
  
JediGeneral: What was that supposed to mean?  
  
GreyApprentice: Well, you and my master, well...I have the Sight.  
  
OutcastMaster: That wasn't nice.  
  
GreyApprentice: What, Master? O:-) Notice I capitalized the M. You are a proper noun.  
  
OutcastMaster: Yay.  
  
GreyApprentice: Now that you have been flattered, I have some business to discuss with a certain Jedi Knight.  
  
JediGeneral: I don't like the sound of that.  
  
GreyApprentice: I'm surprised.  
  
JediGeneral: This is embarrassing.  
  
GreyApprentice: Why should it be?  
  
JediGeneral: Help.  
  
GreyApprentice: Just a few paces. ;-)  
  
JediGeneral: Force. Are you really going to take up on that deal? *shudders*  
  
GreyApprentice: I'll hold up my end....  
  
JediGeneral: Nooooooooooo..........  
  
GreyApprentice: Yes, pretty boy.  
  
JediGeneral: Nnnnnnnoooooooooo.........Please…credits only.....  
  
OutcastMaster: This is actually amusing.  
  
GreyApprentice: But you already trained the boy! By the way, just how much of that did you teach him?  
  
JediGeneral: She's TORTURING me!  
  
GreyApprentice: I would never dream of it!  
  
OutcastMaster: I taught him enough, my apprentice.  
  
GreyApprentice: No editing, please!  
  
OutcastMaster: You know I can't do that.  
  
GreyApprentice: What? You and Anakin? Really?  
  
JediGeneral: What? Don't say that--  
  
OutcastMaster: She's kidding.  
  
GreyApprentice: I didn't. No, I'm not.  
  
OutcastMaster: Quiet, Sol.  
  
GreyApprentice: I'm not speaking, Master. O:-) BTW, how long were you and Ani together?  
  
JediGeneral: Me or her?  
  
GreyApprentice: Her. Or were you...  
  
OutcastMaster: For about a week. He was an idiot.  
  
GreyApprentice: My, you move fast... to teach him all that. Well, Obi-Wan, you've proved to be a very good teacher.  
  
JediGeneral: Me? But I-- No! Not Anakin!  
  
GreyApprentice: Really...  
  
JediGeneral: First she says I'm cheating on you, then she says I'm gay!  
  
GreyApprentice: I did not say you were gay!  
  
JediGeneral: You implied it!  
  
GreyApprentice: And you've not cheated on her...yet.  
  
JediGeneral: Thank you. Wait…"yet"?  
  
GreyApprentice: Notice the "yet". Jedi are so cute when they squirm.  
  
JediGeneral: Arrrgg.  
  
GreyApprentice: Oh, so adorable.  
  
JediGeneral: I am not going to put up with this humiliation.  
  
GreyApprentice: Would you rather I post those holos in some rather obvious places?  
  
JediGeneral: NO!  
  
GreyApprentice: Well, then, deal.  
  
JediGeneral: No.......  
  
GreyApprentice: Or, I might...  
  
JediGeneral: Ack.....  
  
GreyApprentice: Well, they are very good holos of you...  
  
OutcastMaster: They're cute, aren't they?  
  
GreyApprentice: …and those other people.  
  
JediGeneral: *chokes* Other people?!  
  
GreyApprentice: Well, yes, in some.  
  
JediGeneral: I never--  
  
GreyApprentice: Oh, really.  
  
JediGeneral: Arra! What did you do to this girl?!  
  
GreyApprentice: I have them out now. I really didn't see you as a cross- species kind of guy, though.  
  
JediGeneral: Stop…stop...  
  
GreyApprentice: Oh, Mara!  
  
JediGeneral: AAAAAHHHH!  
  
GreyApprentice: Oh! You've got an idea of what this next holo is, then.  
  
JediGeneral: Help me. Please.  
  
GreyApprentice: No help is to be had. Unless...  
  
JediGeneral: Not you...  
  
GreyApprentice: O:-)  
  
JediGeneral: Please…  
  
GreyApprentice: Oh, now you say yes.  
  
JediGeneral: Yoda could not have predicted this for my future...She's trying to utterly embarrass me!  
  
JediOutcast234: Very misty future you have, mmm, yes....  
  
JediGeneral: not to mention...um…  
  
GreyApprentice: yes, the um is crucial.  
  
JediGeneral: Not again...  
  
OutcastMaster: This is getting interesting.  
  
GreyApprentice: And again and again…  
  
JediGeneral: Get her to cancel that deal! I don't want the holos that much!  
  
OutcastMaster: Hey, you made it, you have to take up on it.  
  
JediGeneral: Not you, too...  
  
GreyApprentice: :-) Thank you, master  
  
JediGeneral: Gah...if I have to...  
  
OutcastMaster: You do. *wicked grin*  
  
GreyApprentice: This is looking up...  
  
JediGeneral: No...*bangs head on console*  
  
JediGeneral: Fine...fine...*drops head into hands*  
  
GreyApprentice: ;-)  
  
JediGeneral: Saturday night...SATURDAY NIGHT!  
  
GreyApprentice: I love this. So, you want some dirty dancing, do you?  
  
JediGeneral: THIS IS CRAZY! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! 


End file.
